Open up your Bibles, we're gonna be studying Matthew chapter 18. The title is If Thy Brothers Shall Trespass Against Thee. We sometimes have problems with dealing with conflicts, there are a lot of times that we get offended.
Somebody says or does something that we do not like. Maybe someone actually commits a sin against us. And we're talking about a brother. Certainly, in the context here, Matthew 18, says, if thy brother shall trespass against thee, brotherly love is something that is a requirement.
How do we act out of brotherly love, when someone has done something to us, either they sinned against us or they have offended us in some other way? How do we deal with that?
A lot of times I think we have a hard time with this. Sometimes within congregations, there are problems that come up because there is conflict between two individuals and they don't handle the conflict correctly. And it causes problems. A lot of the things that cause problems in the church could be avoided or fixed if we would spend some time maybe just simply discussing our hurt feelings with the other person. But, it is inevitable that you will get your feelings hurt. This is one of the things that you're gonna have to handle all of your life, all through your life.
People are going to offend you. They're gonna hurt your feelings. And so how should we deal with this?
How Shall We Deal With Trespasses Against Us?
The Discussion Step
- Matthew 18:15
He is the kind of changing topics previous to this. He's talking about the one who offends.
The word, offend, is the Greek word skandalizō, which literally means to cause one to sin.
- Matthew 18:6
When we are looking here in verse 15, the trespass, this is not the same thing as the [word], offend, or the skandalizō, to lead in sin, or to cause to stumble, but rather this is a sin itself. Think about the word offend and we really use it in lots of different ways. Sometimes it means that someone hurt your feelings in some way that is not sinful.
I can't think of a better illustration, somebody one time looked at my chili, I brought to the potluck and said, well, it just looks like Sloppy Joe mix. And that kind of really upset me a little bit. Kind of made me mad because I refused to contaminate my chili with beans. Now I like beans, a good bowl of beans and cornbread is hard to beat, but not in my chili. You can make comments about my chili if you want to. You can even put beans in your so-called chili and I'll probably eat it if there's nothing else. But either way, it's not an offense. I mean, it is an offense. It offends my good taste, but it's not a sin to give me grief about the way I make chili, which is the only right way to make it.
There's that one kind of offense and I say it kind of with levity, but sometimes we really do get our feelings hurt over the silliest things. Patrick Mahomes is overrated. I know you're all offended now. And so, it's not a sin to do that though.
Offend also can mean that someone did something that caused me to stumble. And that's how Jesus is using the word skandalizō though. Sometimes the word of offend reflects the idea of being led to sin. If someone leads me into sin, we both have a problem. But that's not really what we're addressing today. Offend, can mean that somebody sinned against me personally.
- Matthew 18:15
And really that's what Jesus is talking about. He says, "If my brother shall trespass against you." That's the same word that we get, sin, from. The word, trespass. Again, "...go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone. And if he shall hear, the thou has thy brother."
Notice here, the context again, sin against me. It is a sin that is private. You might say it only applies really to a personal matter. Public sin can be rebuked publicly.
Our context is dealing with trespasses, which are sins committed by one brother against another that are personal or private and no one else knows about it or needs to know about it, at least in the beginning, and so, when someone sins against me, trespasses against me. And what happens to them? Of course, if they have truly sinned, they're gonna be lost. If they do not repent.
- Matthew 18:6-7
And so they could lose their soul if they do not repent.
Now, what responsibility do I have toward the one that trespasses against me? Well, I need to recognize that this brother has sinned or this sister has sinned.
- Galatians 6:1
We know the golden rule applies here.
- Matthew 7:12
If you would want someone to come to you and say, "Brother, you sinned, or you trespassed against me, you offended me." Then likewise, you ought to do that for others who have offended.
The Responsibility of the Trespasser
What is the offender's responsibility?
- Matthew 5:23
And so, it's important that we deal with it. Deal with it as soon as we can before it gets worse because it can impede my own ability to worship God.
In Matthew chapter five the context is if you have sinned against your brother, what is your responsibility? If you remember that he has been offended because of you before you offer your worship, go back and make it right with that person first.
What should I do though if my brother has sinned against me? Jesus commands us on how we are to deal with our trespassing brethren. It's not simply a good idea. This is a command of the Lord. And certainly, it is a good idea to follow the commands of the Lord. Matthew 18:15-17 really is a command.
When we think about this, I guess you could say several steps involved in this. And the first thing we need to ask is, did my brother actually sin against me or did he just hurt my feelings? Think about it. What was the intent? Was he out to offend you? Was that his purpose? Does he even know that he offended you? I've had somebody come to say, you didn't even know it, but so-and-so was offended by something you did like three months ago. And I didn't know about it, but they'd told someone else. And so, I went back to that person and by then he'd forgotten. He'd been offended against me. So, that's just sometimes how it happens.
But we have got to deal with those things. We need to think, was it actually sinful what the person did to me? If you are offended without cause, then maybe you're the problem.
I heard somebody do this illustration.
Say, you get invited to a party at someone's house and in this house, there are eight rooms and you find someone that you can't stand to be in the same room with you in every room. Maybe you're the problem. And so, some people need to look at ourselves. Maybe we just get too offended, too easily.
- Galatians 6:1
If the person, brother, did not really sin against you, then we talked about that a little bit this morning. We don't have to demand our rights on everything. Sometimes it's just best to let things go and not let them bother us. So don't worry if they haven't really sinned against you. There's really nothing else to do. Get over it. If you're that easily offended.
What if he did sin against you?
"Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother." — Matthew 18:15
You go to him in private, alone. No one else needs to be involved in this. Tell him your concerns. Point out the sin, point out the error. Be calm. Show all meekness.
- Matthew 5:9
And so, if he listens to you, if this resolves the problem, then guess what? You have gained your brother. You don't need to involve anyone else. No one else ever even needs to know about it.
Sometimes we'll say, well, so and so they offended me and, and here's what they did, but we got over it. Well, really no one needs to know about that. Don't hold a grudge either. Sometimes we bury the hatchet, we leave the handle sticking out. Don't hold a grudge, and I don't believe if both brethren are good, strong, faithful Christians, then it should never go beyond this.
In fact, the one who has offended you is obligated to make it right for his own sake, as we already looked at Matthew 5:23 and 24.
Who Takes the First Step to Resolve Trespasses?
And so, who should make the first move on this? Well, I think both should when the Bible is followed, both parties will take the initiative and they will meet halfway because we need to consider ourselves in our interactions with others.
Think in advance about how they might receive it or what might happen if I say this or do whatever towards my brother, and make sure I'm not doing what's wrong. And then reflect, think about your interactions, and think about what you have done maybe recently, the last day or so. And, if you think, well, what? I might have said this. That might have been misconstrued or it might cause a problem, then you go to that person. Don't wait for them, to come to you. If you've done something to someone, go to them first.
Both really ought to be trying to resolve it if we're brethren and if we love each other.
When Repentance and Reconciliation Fails to be Achieved
The Witness Step
Now if this first attempt fails to bring about repentance or reconciliation, then the next thing to do is to take two or three witnesses. I call this the witness step.
- Matthew 18:16
And so basically what you're doing is you're bringing in individuals that you both trust. That both sides trust to act as, a mediator. You see, they may be able to convince the erring one, or at least, they can provide proof of what has taken place.
They should be people that both sides trust for their fairness. You could involve the elders at this point, but the eldership does not have to be involved here.
If the offender listens to them and repents, and it's resolved, then you have gained your brother.
But if not, then of course we move on. But, if you're at this point where you have gained your brother, the offender listens in, and repents, then you don't need to involve anyone else. No one else needs to know about it. And again, don't hold a grudge.
When Discussion and Witnesses Do Not Bring Repentance
The Church Discipline Step
Now, if this attempt does not bring about repentance, then we have the third step which we might call the church discipline step.
This is the first step where the elders must be involved in. At this stage, the sin becomes a public sin.
- Matthew 18:17
This is where the elders get involved. At this stage, it becomes a public sin, really at least one in which the entire congregation has been made aware. The elders need to become personally involved in the resolution of this case. The witnesses confirm the offender's sin, and the elders then begin the process of church discipline.
What is Involved in Church Discipline?
What does that entail? The elder's judgment is involved in that.
Counseling and Study
There could be counseling, there could be studying. There could be a lot of different things going on during this time. But the idea of church discipline is to bring the offender to repentance because you care for his soul.
Elders Excercise Judgment
The elders need to exercise their judgment and how to proceed. This is part of inherent in their qualifications to serve as elders.
- Titus 1:9-11
The elders have that responsibility.
Brought to Repentance
The offender at this point may be brought to repentance, and if that's the case, if this resolves it, then once again, "...thou has gained thy brother." The offender at this point may be brought to repentance, and so you've gained your brother.
When Repentance Does Not Occur, Withdrawal of Fellowship
Now if it does not, then again, there is that church discipline that goes on, which could eventually end with the withdrawal of fellowship.
Even as Jesus said, "...let him be unto thee, as a heathen man and as a publican." And so, we have that responsibility.
Then as we go on in this context, in verse 18. Here's a passage that is so often pulled completely out of context.
- Matthew 18:18-20
And so, one of the most misused verses in all the world is verse 20. There He, in the context he's talking about that process of withdrawing fellowship. He says, "...where two or three of you are gathered in my name," when it comes to this, "I am there in the midst of you." So you're acting on my behalf, is what He's saying.
The withdrawal of fellowship is a command, and church discipline is a command.
- 2 Thessalonians 3:6
And so it is a command. It's not an optional thing to do. It is a command when one has broken fellowship to withdraw from that person.
What Happens After Repentance?
Forgiveness
Now, what happens after repentance? Again, there is forgiveness. The ability to truly forgive another person depends sometimes on their repentance.
- Luke 17:3
- Matthew 18:21-22
We have got to always be ready to repent. We should always be ready to forgive. Excuse me. Now, whether they repent or not, we should always have a forgiving spirit. But the offender cannot be forgiven by us unless he repents. God doesn't forgive without repentance. We should always have that forgiving spirit.
Also, we need to understand that sin plus time does not equal forgiveness.
When they repent, we must forgive them. And that's key. We've got to forgive someone who repents. We need to forgive and we need to comfort them.
In the 1st Corinthians letter, Paul rebuked the church because there was someone who was living in sin among them in a very public way, and they were proud about it, he rebuked them. And of course, in order to get them to practice church discipline, apparently they practiced that church discipline.
- 2 Corinthians 2:5-6
It was the church, the entire congregation that inflicted the punishment by withdrawing from him in order to lead him back to Christ.
And so when they have repented, when they've been forgiven, we need to confirm our love for them. We need to comfort them and help them.
How Often Do We Forgive?
And so, how often should we do it? Every time, Jesus said 70 times 70. Now, that's not a literal number. The implication is every time, do you think about every time I sin against God and I repent, He forgives me? We ought to do the same with others.
How Widely is Repentance to Be Known?
After repentance, do we publicize the sin? Well, I simply think, as a rule of thumb, confession should be as widely known as the sins.
If it's just between you and him and you've resolved it, he confesses his sin against you, "I'm sorry I repent." No one else ever needs to know. If the two or three witnesses, bring the repentance, and he says, "Brother, I recognize I've done wrong. I repent. I confess my sin. Please forgive me." That's as far as it needs to go.
Maybe it's only you and the Lord who know about it. Maybe it's just a sin, that you are involved in and no one else knows about.
- 1 John 1:9
If only you and the transgressor know about it, then keep it that way. If only you, the transgressor, and your witnesses know about it, then keep it that way. The entire congregation knows about it, then, the confession needs to be made before the congregation.
- James 5:16
Additional Considerations Regarding Trespasses
And then, just a few final considerations. I want to stress again that this passage addresses personal matters that are not at least initially publicly known.
False Teachers
Sometimes you hear a sound brother he'll mention a false teacher and he'll rebuke the sin or the false teaching of this brother, and he'll do it publicly without contacting the person first. Again it is not a personal issue. It's not a matter that is only known between me and another person. For instance, Rubel Shelley, as far as I know, has never sinned against me personally. I doubt he knows who I am, and if someone put my name before him, he would not recognize it, but I can emphatically state that he is a false teacher, and needs to repent. I don't have to go to him to say that because he is things he has written in his books, the things he has published, the false teaching that he has spread publicly. I can say that he's a false teacher without calling him up and going to him first because this is not an offense, a personal sin between him and me.
Likewise, we've seen public figures who are unrepentant, drunkards, or adulterers. Serial adulterers, maybe. Now the news media is filled with stories about their exploits. Those folks need to repent. I don't have to approach them in private before I can say that.
- Romans 16:17-18
Now, I don't think it would ever hurt for someone to approach a false teacher or approach someone who is a publicly unpenitent sinner and say, Brother, you need to repent. There's nothing wrong with doing that. But you don't necessarily have to do it to warn others about a false teacher.
Public Sin
Now, what about public sins? Where does the New Testament speak of dealing with a public sin?
- 1 Corinthians 5:1
This was a scandal that was known to everyone in the church, in court, and maybe to outsiders, those outside of the body of Christ. "It's commonly reported." They were proud that they were accepting of this man who was an open and unpenitent sinner. There was no need for Paul to approach this man personally or even to approach the congregation's sin in private. It was already public and bringing reproach upon the church. And so, notice what he says in verses four and five. He's dealing with the context of church discipline.
- 1 Corinthians 5:4-5
- Matthew 28:20
- Matthew 18:18-20
When we act to withdraw fellowship from the earring brother, we're acting, and Christ is with us. He is with us because we are acting on His part. We are doing His commandments.
Also, one thing I, want to point out is that this applies to everyone. In Matthew 18:15-17, those steps we talked about apply to every single person in the congregation.
If an elder offends you in a personal matter, even elders are not immune to doing wrong or from being wrong, then you need to approach them in private. If it's a preacher, a deacon, a Bible class teacher, a wife of an elder, or whatever, anyone in the congregation, sins against you or trespasses against you, you have that responsibility to go to them in private. And so, if it is a personal matter, then we go to them in person. Don't go around complaining and talking to them and telling on them and getting the whole congregation stirred up against them. We go to them.
I think it's a violation of Christ's command to go to any other person before approaching the one who has sinned against you. We've got to maintain, we must endeavor to keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace, Ephesians 4:3.
This is really what Jesus is talking about. He knew there would be troubles in the church. Where there are people, there are going to be problems. He knew there would be problems in the brotherhood, and He has given us clear instructions on how to deal with them. Very simple.
There's not anything really difficult here. Nothing here that I think is hard to understand. We've gotta maintain that unity in the body. We gotta keep the purity of the body, but we've got to maintain the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace.
And so let us in love and think no evil about our brother or sister's intentions. Let's not assume guilt where it does not apply. Let's not, or let us always seek to be reconciled to our brother or sister when we have erred against them. Let's always apply the golden rule, the way we treat others when they sin against us or in anything else.
We need to recognize that Jesus died for me, but He died for the one that offended me as well. Jesus, you think about every one of us, we sinned at some point in our life and we offended God. We sinned against God because every sin ultimately is. As young Joseph recognized there with Potiphar's wife that every sin that he might commit is a sin against God.
We sin against God and yet He loved us enough to forgive us, to make it possible for us to be forgiven by sending His Son to die upon the cross. If we will believe and repent, uh, of our sins, if we will confess His name and be baptized, then he will forgive us.
We urge you today if you're not a Christian, to put on Christ in baptism; to be baptized into Christ. If you are a Christian who has not been faithful as a child of God, we urge you to repent and to come back to Him.
If we can help you in any way to be restored to a fellowship with God or to become a child of God please contact us so that we can assist you.
